Today, I came to encounter a person of my past. He does not mean that much to me, nor did he ever, however, once more I was curious of what such an encounter revealed to my inner eye.

Was he my own self perceived in his eyes?

Is that how I wished to perceive myself? Is that how I wished to be treated?

Was he a reflection of my inner world, of how I perceived my own self, of how I desired to be treated?

I didn’t love him. I was fixated on him. I expected him to make me his everything. But I knew I was to be disappointed. I sort of wished to be disappointed just so I could escape him. Because I couldn’t escape him.

But why?

Because I was in survival mode. I thought I had to do things a certain way in order to get certain results. I still am, to a certain degree, and life just kept getting more fucked for me. I don’t know if it was me who made it happen, or if it was simply the laws of nature. Intertwined together.

Is my father me? In consciousness.

I mention this once more because it is crucial for understanding the impossible. That in consciousness, my father is I, and I have rid myself of his power, even if such meant the cessation of his existence.

This is too vast for my mind to comprehend. And I can’t seem to rid myself of this yearning to understand.

And this understanding is not an act of love towards my human self. I am aware of that. But a mere attempt to triumph over something. To triumph over the ego with another ego. But the one battling is the same individual.

Still, I have not triumphed, because I still reflect on what had happened with an aching confusion. An aching desire to understand what it was I sought.

What war was I to win? What is so worthy to sacrifice the self over?

I’ve become evil, or maybe I was already evil. It simply was the right moment to come out. What was my shadow?

To become a god archetype.

Not God in consciousness, but rather the evil narcissistic god that awaits one to worship him. If he is not to be worshipped, he punishes the slave in the most wretched manner. Making him inadequate. Frail, weak. Unworthy of being an individual.

He replaces him, threatens him with hell.

That is what I was. An evil god.

Of course, that is the shadow.

Now, if we look at the other extreme of the matter.

I was humble, understanding, loving unconditionally. Wanting to take care of my beloved slave. That simply could not happen.

The shadow, though evil and wretched, saved my soul from being completely shattered in an illusion of union.

Something that could not align with my essence, no matter how much I loved unconditionally.

Certain things simply do not align with one another. That is one of the laws of nature, in my opinion.

Yes, we are one. Yes, we are reflections of each other. Yes, we are a manifestation of God, of consciousness.

Nonetheless, just as much, we are limited.

Our limitation is somewhat infinite. That is, one cannot cross paths with every individual so as to reflect his essence, or the other his own unto one another.

Yes, one can perceive himself in almost anyone. However, one is not destined to encounter everyone. That is simply not possible in the human experience.

Hence why one cannot be compatible with everyone. Therefore, one ought to understand when to proceed in a union and when it is wiser to let go.

Besides, it wouldn’t be as fun if we could all get along with each other.

You cannot change another as an individual. That would be control.

On a higher consciousness, yes. But as a human having an experience in the physical, it is often better to listen to the best scenario of what that little human desires.

This makes me a bit sad to admit.

First, because it sort of reminds me that I have not chosen what my little human desires. Rather, what a god does.

And god desires nothing.

Second, because I must let go of a desire that does not align with the manifestation of God I have chosen.

Yes, I do desire a challenge. However, when one is tired from the battles of life, one ought to rest. To find rest in another manifestation of God.

But nonetheless, a very little individual just as I.

And that is the constat that you should not manifest anyone.

For there comes a certain point where the god “consciousness” and the individual intertwine. As they do, one that is supposedly the manifestation of consciousness misaligns with one’s own inner essence.

Duality is then born.

Which negates the whole god “consciousness” concept.

At last, one can understand a bit better now.

And let everything that doesn’t align fall away.

Become ready to lose what no longer serves.

People.

Habits.

Beliefs.

Say goodbye to it.

No matter how hard.

No matter how much it clings.

Let it go.