A.    To be seen

I am grateful for the lessons I am learning to become whom I was meant to become. Perhaps a lesson of English would do.

I feel a deep yearning for another to penetrate the world inside my mind, and I am no longer lonely. As Jung said, one feels lonely when he cannot speak of the things he wishes to speak of. I don’t wish to speak as much as to be seen. Even if one was willing to, he would have to be made of the same particle as my soul to truly understand.

I am hungry—hungry for love, but for success more. Hungry for myself, to experience myself in every possible way. What am I waiting for? Perhaps I have already experienced myself, and I only wish for more because I am simply bored, once more.

Perhaps I have experienced myself so much that I wish for others to experience it themselves. For the world to experience it as I do. or at least experience their own selves as I experience mine.

B.     The shadow

Yes, I would like to be with other individuals as I am. However, I have found that everyone is myself in one way or another. Whether I liked what is reflected, it is still a reflection of my own soul or essence, or whatever one may call it.

I cannot experience only the parts I like and leave out the ones I do not. My desire to find an individual exactly as I am is rooted in my perception of my alleged perfection. Once I am faced with my shadow, it is almost unbearable to perceive—I’m being a bit dramatic, I am aware, yet it is just as I have explained.

Anyhow, perhaps it is a mere desire to be completely naked to myself that motivates other desires. Like the wish to experience another as my own soul, to merge the world within and the one without. Perhaps what I truly wish is to prove that I am the world and the world is me, yet I find that I escape such truth once it faces me. I refuse to have the image of myself cracked once it is shone on the world. And I am left with particles of a broken mirror, reflecting broken parts of my soul—parts that hinder the big image, as my mind believes.

But is it truly that? Or is it another attempt for my soul to reveal itself to its own self, the world that is.